My name is Davy

 

My name is Davy I woke up sweaty from my dream, I always woke from my dreams. Mammy was alive again. I always cry after. I'm cold. I know there's no food in the house. I'm going hungry to school again. I hope my friend John has extras again. It's hard to concentrate on school. I've seen furniture in the house is always going missing. Daddy said the place looked tidier. Daddy says he really misses mammy now that she's gone. We went to her grave after. He got me to pick some flowers on the way. He asked me to sing her the song she loved me singing. Daddy cried again.

The sofa daddy likes to snooze on was gone now. He says he prefers the bare floor. I wanted to watch telly but it's gone now too. We had lots of new things when Daddy was working in the big factory. He's an important man there. He says after the old boss retired his son was only interested in money. Then mam got sick. The house is colder. Daddy was shouting on the phone, "Give me more time". Going to school in a tight uniform. Daddy says, "I'm getting bigger". I asked him if there was any more food and he said no. He'll get some groceries tomorrow but he never does. There's only two chairs left and a small table, we only have one plate, I broke the other one by accident. Daddy was very angry, when I cried so much, "I'm sorry". Daddy started crying too. Now we eat off the same plate. It's fun with daddy stealing my food and me stealing his. I went to school today and when I got home Daddy was fighting some men at the front door. They were piling all our things out in the garden. When Daddy saw me he went white. We walked around town calling to hotels and places. In the end he got an old blanket from one place. Daddy went to a chip shop and got chips. He said they were all for me. My Daddy loves me. We had an exciting night hugging each other under the blanket under the stars to keep warm. The lane we're in smells bad. There's dirty bins near where my head is. I asked Daddy when we're going home, daddy cried again and wouldn't answer. Daddy was asleep when I saw some lady taking pictures of us lying under the blanket. My daddy always says we should smile for pictures, so I smiled. The next day some people gave my daddy some food. We feasted like kings. When we weren't looking some men grabbed daddy and a woman grabbed me. Daddy fought them. I cried, "leave my daddy alone". Daddy told them to leave us alone. They didn't listen. He fought hard and they beat him. One had a big stick. He hit daddy on the head. It made a terrible thump. He wasn't awake after. He wasn't moving. One of them called the other, "A bloody great fool. You'll be on charges for that". I screamed, "daddy", no one looked at me. They brought me to a hospital, I cried all the way there. Where's daddy? They were asking if my daddy hurt me. I said he didn't have enough food but plenty of love. They looked at each other in a funny way. They brought me to a house. The house was warm. There was lots of food. They even had a fluffy dog, named George. I said I wanted to share my food with daddy. They looked at each other and couldn't face me. I asked again. They talked about other things. I decided not to say anything else. I'm not hungry. Later in the week they took me to the doctor. I knew he was a doctor because he wore a white jacket and had that ear thing around his neck. He asked me questions. I said, "I want my daddy". He didn't look me in the eye, same as those other people. They took me back to the warm house. I listened to them on the phone, "He's not taking any sustenance, he's not communicating, David's becoming withdrawn, I'm concerned about his well being, I think we should tell him and bring him to where his father is" Then she listened, "okay I'll tell him but I need to be diplomatic. He's only 6 years old". I didn't know why they called me David, my name is Davy but I understood. My heart broke, he's gone, same as mammy, I didn't want to see him under the ground. I took a bread roll from the kitchen then I snuck out the window. I've been walking for hours. I'm tired. It's getting dark. It's cold tonight but that doesn't matter, I miss my daddy. It started to snow. I walked over a bridge. There was a man there on the edge. Daddy told me not to talk to strangers. I asked the man, "what are you doing". He looked scared. He climbed over the fence thing and we started talking He told me all about his life and how miserable he was. His father wanted him to do something like going into the family business. I told him my daddy isn't here anymore but I wished with all my heart he was. I cried again. The man hugged me and told me not to worry. He said we should go walk for a bit to warm our cockles, whatever they were. He walked with me for a while. I shared the bread roll with him. He smiled. We walked past some big gates, he pushed some button and it opened. He told me to stay there and he'd be back. Then went in. I decided to walk on. There's a sign for some woods, I heard you could pull branches down and make a house. I'm in a forest now. It's scary. I found a place where I can camp for the night. The branches are not bending to make a house. There's people with torches looking for someone missing called David. It's cold, I'm sleepy. I miss my warm bed. I miss my mammy and my daddy. I lay down. The next morning I woke up in a bed. It must have been a dream. I decided to escape again. The window was locked, the door was locked. I sat in the corner on the floor. They came for me a minute later. They brought me to a table. They put heaps of food on the table. Eggs, rashers and sausages. Sugar crispies, other stuff but I'm not hungry. There was an old man watching me. He looked like someone hurt him. He looked sad. I don't understand why he looked sad. He spoke to me and said, "Hello David, my name is Jonathan Stagg senior. Pleased to meet you. I'm here to help. You don't know me, we've never met before. They've tried to keep me out of helping you but I'm a tiger when there's injustice and I'm angry for you. It was my people who found you out on the snow, freezing. You're going to be okay now, you and your daddy's lives are going to get a lot better." He said something else but I didn't hear him. I didn't hear him. My heart leaped, I asked slowly with rising hope, "daddy's alive?" He nodded. "Daddy's alive", I asked. He nodded, "your daddy is alive". I leaped into his arms, " My daddy's alive, my daddy's alive, my daddy's alive", I shouted. I didn't care how loud I was. "You thought he was dead. No wonder you're depressed." he said with me hugging him. "No one told you", said Mr Stagg. He said a word that daddy used when he hit his finger with a hammer. "Yes", he's grinned as wide as a house, "yes he's alive and you're going to see him soon." He pointed at the table groaning with food, "now you have to eat". I ate sugar crisps with honey and sausages and rashers and scrambled eggs and fried eggs and toast and marmalade and tea and milk. I woke up in the bed again. The window was open. They kept me here for a few more days. Mr Stagg came to play with me and George some days. I spent some days in the house. I played with George with a ball. Where's my daddy was all I could think. One morning I woke with shouting out the door. It was getting louder and louder. I put my ear to the door. "...have to do. You will get that boy's father into that hearing or I will have this whole sorry saga across international news. I'm taking names right now just be bloody sure you're not on my shit list. Do you understand me!" The last bit was very loud. There was a loud thump. It sounded like the man who was at breakfast. He sounded scary. I heard footsteps. I was terrified. I ran back to bed. I pulled the covers over my head. There was a knock on the door. There was a pause. He walked in. His face looked redder than before. I was afraid he'd hit me. He sat down. Beside the bed. "David, I know you're awake, I heard you moving around. I am organising to transport you to the hearing. You need to be getting up and moving." I pulled the covers from my head, I asked, "are you going to hit me". He looked shocked, "why on Earth would you think that?" "You sounded so angry. I was afraid". He looked scary and angrier than I seen anyone ever before. "Oh I'm angry, I'm furiously beyond your ability to understand but I'm angry for you, not at you. Hurt you, I'd rather cut off my arm than hurt you. You're coming with me boy. I'll see you right. I'm going to be kicking arse from one end of this town to the other. You're going to be right beside me as I do it." He looked at his phone, "you see David I even broke my phone when I banged it on the table. Old phones were such a pleasure to hang up on people. You could slam them down in a temper." "My name is Davy, sir" He crouched down in front of me, "oh I do apologise, Davy. It won't happen again. Now get your backside moving cos you're going to see your daddy soon". The nice woman that was minding me made sure I washed my face and brushed my teeth. She put me standing up and inspected me, "you'll have to do, master Davy". She smiled. I like her. Mr Stagg and me went outside. My eyes boggled at the huge car. It was much bigger than daddy's car before it went. It was only when I wiped my feet did I realise I was holding his hand. His car was so big and shiny. I remembered mammy saying to wipe your feet before you go into a hotel. This felt the same. "This is a Rolls Royce Phantom. A six litre engine. It is the classiest car I've ever owned." "This is Bernard, he's my chauffeur and bodyguard. He's really soft at heart mostly. The only thing that sets him off is people making a mess of the car. Put your shoes on the seats if you don't believe me" Then he pointed at me, "Bernard this is Davy, he's coming to court to see me act like an enraged bull in a china shop" Bernard said, "I'm really pleased to meet you master Davy", opened the door for us. I wiped my feet again on the gravel. We got into the car. The car was so smooth travelling. Mr Stagg chatted all through the trip. "See that shop there, it's one of the last still owned by the same family since 1675. My ancestors used to deal with them". We got close to some big buildings. There was people with signs. I saw my name on some of the signs. I was busy looking through the window. The people staring at us. They were blowing kisses at the car. We drove through gates and stopped at fancy doors. I asked, "why were those people blowing kisses at your car" Mr Stagg knelt down hugged and said, "they were blowing kisses at you young Davy, your story has touched the heart of a nation" At a big doors a big grumpy looking man in uniform stopped Mr Stagg. "Sorry sir, but there are no children allowed at the hearing" I looked at Mr Stagg's head. A vein in his neck bumping up and down. Mr. Stagg pulled out his notebook and a pen. Then looked at the pen again and said "opps wrong pen". Then he pulled out a big red pen and asked. "What is your name?" The big man visibly got smaller, " mmmm er, I need time make a call. Can you hold on for a second. I just need to make a call to my supervisor," Mr Stagg pulled out his phone and took a picture of the man in uniform. "No I haven't got time. What's your supervisor's name?" asked Mr. Stagg. The big man wilted even more, "erm err, Alison Browne" At which point Mr. Stagg rang someone, "I'm taking a picture of a security man under the control of Alison Browne who refuses to give his name as required by law. Can he be fired or prosecuted for that" He nodded, "thank you" he said to his phone. The big man in my eyes looked smaller than me. I can see I could just step over him. He was so small. Mr. Stagg took my hand again and we walked straight past him through the big doors. I could see people looking and staring at me. Someone was pointing at me We walked slowly. I saw a newspaper on a wooden bench with my picture. I couldn't read the words. I'm only six. A man with a camera rushed towards us. I hid behind Mr. Stagg's legs. A man with a camera rushed towards us. I hid behind Mr. Stagg's legs. He quickly took a picture and shouted "Mr. Stagg, can you give me an update about David? What are the possible outcomes today? Will his father be released today from prison?" Others rushed towards us. I was scared. Mr. Staggs hand moved like a blurr and he smacked him on the nose. The reporter stumbled backwards flat on his back holding his bloodied nose with one hand. Mr Stagg stamped on his camera. Bits of it flying across the floor. "No pictures and no questions until after the hearing. You've been warned." He knelt down in front of me and asked, "are you okay?" I was still upset at the man on the ground. Mr. Stagg whispered in my ear, "don't worry about him he works for me. He's an old boxer a punch on the nose won't hurt him. I just wanted them to back off. Journalists are afraid to get boxed on the nose. A bunch of primadonnas who love looking at themselves on TV". The man on the ground looked at me and winked. I tried to wink back but I'm only 6. Instead I blinked. Mr Stagg went up to the front of this funny smelling room. It smelt like mammy's furniture polish. He directed me to the front of the room. A man in a uniform came in and said, "all rise". "Justice Royce Chamberine attending" Mr Stagg stood and poked me to get up. An old man came from behind a secret door. He sat really high. He looked at me. The man in the uniform said, "be seated" Mr Stagg pulled me down. I asked, "why do we have to stand when he comes in" The old man in the high chair adjusted his glasses. Looked at me and said, "it's to honour my presence, I dispense justice, punish the law breakers and decide who is right and who is wrong." Then he looked at Mr Stagg, "keep your client quiet please". Mr Stagg stood up. "If it may please the court. I am terribly sorry your honour, he is only six years old. He's never been to court before and doesn't understand court room etiquette." Mr Stagg's voice became all posh talking. "Your honour, I will endeavour to keep the boy in check" The judge spoke agsjn, "I have a lunch appointment planned and I don't have time for this to drag on all day." He turned to the man in uniform, "what do we have today Stan" The officer Stan produced a folder, "The State against Alan Murphy for child neglect, dangerous and reckless behaviour and assault against child protection officers which resulted in injuries to those officers and resisting arrest." He cleared his throat. Then said the state is represented by Alex Muldoon. The defence Jonathan Stagg a lay litigant Mr Stagg stood up, "objection your honour, I have not practised law for twenty years but I know my way around the court room. If you check you will see I'm still registered as a practising solicitor. You may remember it was me who won a case you were prosecuting. I'll add the defendant is not here to face the charges and his accusers" The Judge turned to Stan, "well". Stan, "his prison bus is held up and won't be here for maybe ten minutes." The Judge looked at his watch, "ten minutes can turn into an hour. I'm going to have to have an adjournment. Say six weeks time. Radio the prison bus and tell them to go back to prison". "Objection your honour, it's been over twelve weeks since Davy has seen his father. This case has been nonsense from the very start. It should have been settled with a conversation and help for this family." I said quietly, "daddy, I call him daddy". Mr Stagg put his hand on my shoulder. "Your honour, look at his face, he wanted desperately to see his daddy today. It is torture to put a child through this." The man on the high seat said, "I've made my ruling, radio the bus and send then back". I knew I wouldn’t see daddy. "Please Mr Judge, let me see my daddy. I'll do anything, anything, please. I need to see my daddy". I felt weak. Then the world went black. I heard an familiar voice saying my name, "oh Davy, Davy, Davy" It was daddy, I leapt up with my arms and grabbed his neck. "Is there any need for them Stan" Stan reached behind daddy. I heard a click. Daddy's arms wrapped around me so tight. I tried to make my arms as tight as his. He cried as he hugged me. I cried too. My heart was bursting. "Oh I've missed you do much", said daddy. Mr Stagg said, "we have to go in now" Then to me he said, "you can stay here with my assistant. You'll be safe." "I want to see you act like a bull in a china shop", I said. "You come with me and watch me!", he said laughing. As we entered, the man Stan, said ,"all rise for the hnourable Justice Royce Chamberine" The judge at in his seat as we hurried to ours. I sat down and then stood up again. Stan said, "be seated" and we all sat down. The judge turned to me. "Why did you sit down when everyone else was standing". I cleared my throat like Stan did, "we your honour, Stan said all rise. Since I couldn't rise, I sat down first then rised" "Well thought out" said the judge smiling. He looked at his watch again and sighed. "Mr Muldoon can you begin, remember I have a lunch appointment" The man Muldoon was sitting beside us. He cleared his throat and said, "the facts are clear in this case. There is clear evidence of child negligence, they were living on the street when found, hardly a place to bringing up a six year old child, the accused resisted welfare officers to remove the child from these circumstances and injuries the child welfare officers who sought to arrest him." Mr Muldoon stood, "I'd like to call for witness Albert Browne to the stand for an eyewitness testimony" Mr Stagg stood, "We would like to change our plea to guilty your honour with mitigating circumstances." Daddy grabbed Mr Stagg's arm and was whispering to him angrily. There was a gasp from the court room and people started shouting. Mr Stagg turned to daddy and said, "Please trust me and we'll be having lunch in a restaurant minutes away in about thirty minutes" "Stop that babbling in my court room or I'll have it cleared" said the judge as he banged his hammer. He turned to Mr Stagg, "are you sure you want you go down this route. These are serious charges." "Yes your honour. It will save us all time and well get you to your lunch on time." "Very well Mr Stagg, I had resigned myself to a substandard sandwich from a vending machine, but carry on please". Mr Stagg stood up, "I'm speaking for the family. Just over a year ago, Alan Murphy was fired from a job he was eminently skilled at. A painter of gold. His work was highly valued but he was replaced by a machine. A month later his wife, Alison Murphy, Davy's mother was injured in a terrible accident. Her injuries were severe, she passed a month later. The medical bills were substantial and completely unjust. It was the car driver's fault she passed. His insurance company refused to pay. I'm looking into that especially considering the public interest in this case." At which point there was more talking from people behind is. The Judge hit his hammer and said, "last chance, any more outbursts or talking I'm clearing the court. Continue please Mr Stagg". "Thank you, your honour. Desperately Alan Murphy spend all the resources he had to pay his bills. He's been doing his best to bring young Davy up." Mr Stagg paused, took a drink of water from a glass he had in front of him. "Three months ago the medical insurance company sought repossession of the family home for payment of the medical bills. The family thrown out on the street and forced to live on the streets like animals." "Alan Murphy did his best to secure employment but looking after young Davy at the same time was his first priority. I'm in the process on behalf of the family suing everyone responsible for this catastrophic injustice to this family. The house was originally in Alison Murphy's family and was left to Alison. Mr Muldoon stood up. "Yes your honour, this is all known. Once she passed the house obviously went to Mr. Murphy." Mr Stagg stood up and said, "Probate only came through a few days ago. The house taken in the family is not in Alan Murphy's name. As it happens I have the will here your Honour, it belonged to his son young Davy." There was a gasp behind me then lots of shouting. The judge banged his wooden hammer "One more interruption in the gallery and I'm going to clear it out. I'm sure you're all as curious as I am to what's happening next. So be quiet. Continue Mr Stagg, I'm curious what happens next. This case beats usual stuff I deal with. The clock is ticking and my stomach grows hungry". "It won't be much longer, your honour" said Mr Stagg. "When child protective services act, they should not be bringing weapons on cases, Mr Murphy suffered a bad concussion from a heavy baton which put him in prison hospital for a month." I looked at daddy. He nodded. "Three men grabbed him without identifying themselves and a woman grabbed his son. He sought to defend his son from these assailants. Then one of these men hit him with a lead pipe." "If Mr Murphy is guilty of anything it's defending himself and his family from assault." "I'm bringing a case against them as well. They acted on a picture of young Davy smiling under the blanket. There was no paperwork. No meetings before they acted. The three men have no training in child welfare. A cowboy operation leading to a good father in hospital in ICU for a month." "I've secured their home. I have a builder upgrading the house. All their belongings are in storage. I spoke to the factory manager and Mr Murphy can have his job back if he wishes. I'm told the machine that replaced him was a complete waste of time and standards have dropped." "I'm bringing a case against the clown show that was the people behind the attempted kidnapping", said Mr Stagg. The man at the other bench stood up, "Objection your Honour, Your honour, these charges are serious. They need to be...." I could hear people outside shouting. They were chanting something. "Let them go, let them go, let them go, we love Davy, we love Davy, we love Davy" Mr Muldoon was talking. I couldn't hear what he was saying, the shouts were getting louder and louder. "Approach the bench" said the judge waving first them to approach. Mr Stagg and Mr Muldoon stood before the judge. Mr Muldoon looked angry. Mr Stagg turned and smiled a huge grin at us. Stan stood up and said something and the judge left. Mr Stagg sat with us, "let's get some dinner, then I'm taking you back to my house where you can stay until your house is finished renovations." The restaurant was fab. Waiters walking around with huge tests of all my favourite food. They were all smiling at me. Other people were giving me thumbs up. I felt so happy. Everything was going to work out fine. We moved beside a fire. I said to my daddy, "I'm feeling cold". "Let me pull you closer to the fire I couldn't understand why I was getting cold. My daddy was talking but I couldn't hear him. It sounded like he was far away shouting. Then I heard a woman's voice shouting for me. It sounded like mammy but she was far away. She was shouting for me to put my arm up, so I did. Then there were men shouting, "There he is, praise God". Someone put his arms around me and I woke up. I was still in the park lying in the snow. "It's going to be okay Davy," it was daddy. So cold.

Then I closed my eyes.

©Boris Doyle 2025

Beware the rubber stamp

In an advanced civilisation in the distant past, a government council enacted laws to benefit everyone, promoting sharing and dividing labour.

Two miles beneath the surface, miners toiled in a dangerous environment where only the most formidable individuals dared to venture. Long shifts and hard work toughened these men.

They earned good wages and gained respect within the community. The entire civilisation relied on the black gold they extracted from the ground with shovels and picks.

A labour gang of muscular men had just finished their 15-hour shift deep in the mines, caked in coal dust from the mine walls. They drank copious amounts of alcohol at a rough bar known for frequent fights. During one extraordinary drunken session, they jokingly created a list of how they would change society.

A bear-sized man stood up, raised his arm, and belched. Laughter erupted; these men lacked social graces.

The shaft hand, Trapend, announced while still on his feet, "I'm tired of seeing only men in here. We should have a few women." He then sat back down and promptly passed out.

The others chuckled.

"I wish women would come down here and do some of our work," said Vergman, another large man with a beard that could easily hide a flock of seagulls. "My wife hands me a list of chores when I'm off work. She thinks all I do is play with a shovel while we're down here. She even takes my expense money to buy food."

One miner remarked, "I don't see why they get to make rules about what we produce with our blood, sweat, and tears."

After some time, they decided to write down new laws to remember them. None had paper, so the bar server retrieved a fancy government document from the recycling chute along with a black pen.

He gave all the remaining conscious drinkers a sobriety test.

“Just walk in a straight line over to the music machine,” said the bar server with a smile.

A fight broke out when one miner stumbled onto a table, spilling drinks everywhere. The barman offered free drinks to soothe ruffled feelings, and the two tables combined. This time, the server retrieved the alcohol meter from under the bar.

Testing each miner, he chose the one who tested four times over the limit for access to work in the mines as the note-taker because he was the most sober of the group—an hour passed. Out of twelve drinkers, only four remained conscious. The note-taker needed help reading the official proclamation of the Supreme Council of the Panilli.

He stood up swiftly, grasped the table to pick himself off the ground, and sat back down again. His eyes focused on the page in front of him.

"Continued from the previous page, mark exhibit 17. Eighteen subsection twenty-four D. The council declared that female hygiene products and toilet utensils must stay in private places to ensure everyone's privacy. Eighteen subsection twenty-four E. Toilet paper requisitions must occur weekly instead of monthly due to last month's diarrhoea outbreak. Special note: the new toilet paper must be soft and moist. The air conditioning units still do not function correctly; a requisition has been applied for and a budget set to install new motorised vents."

A drinker beside him poked his arm and said, "You're on the wrong side of the page. Turn it over."

The note-taker squinted and turned the page over.

He cleared his throat, “The Supreme Council of Paneili declares this list to be a valid new set of laws and ordinances for our future.” Cheers erupted from the crowd.

“Only people capable of lifting 150 lbs of ore will have rights and privileges,” met with miners flexing their arms to show off their muscles.

“No penis, no right to clothes,” followed by laughter as several miners dropped their pants and waved their organs.

“If you can't reach up to 8 feet in height, you can't be employed anywhere for financial gain.” Everyone stood up and reached for the roof.

“Females who reject a miner's advances can be kidnapped and used as he wishes." This comment came from a miner who had lusted after a married woman; after he made an advance at her, she loudly rejected him in front of his friends, leading to her husband delivering powerful punches despite being an office worker.

He later discovered that this “office worker” was actually a middleweight champion boxer. While his lumps and bruises healed, his embarrassment lingered.

Realising what he said, he muttered, “Without legal recourse.” This statement met with frowns and disapproval from others.

The note-taker cleared his throat again, “Carrying on, unmarried women will not be allowed to reject advances from any self-declared unattached miner unless he proves himself to be a man of poor character.” Cheers erupted from the table.

“Division of assets after divorce will depend on what funds each party contributed to the marriage.”

“After this date, all married men will give half their assets to their wives in future.”

One voice slurred, “Who’d want to get hitched then?”

“All marriages will annul upon passing this proclamation.” Cheers followed from the table once again.

The miners stood in unison and carried the note-taker around the bar while cheering loudly. After they fell back into their seats, the note-taker struggled to hold his pen and spilled his drink on the notes.

The group read aloud the list to those still conscious. They rejected suggestions about abusing women; however, the note-taker couldn't cross it out due to the drink he spilled on the parchment.

One miner with only one brain cell functioning said, “This is terrible stuff. Put it in the recycling bin.” The remaining participants nodded in agreement. He attempted to tear it up but found that it was government paper made from untearable plastic. Rolling it up, he went to put it into a refuse chute. Staggering over, he noticed that the chute needed emptying; office materials overflowed out of it. There was barely enough room to squeeze it in as it was full of mining debris and office paper. He then sat back down again and promptly passed out.

The following day, they shuffled through the bar, stepping over recycling papers spread across the floor before returning to the shafts, feeling under the weather.

One male office worker scolded by his boss needed to find a critical security report he mistakenly placed in the recycler. He reasoned it would have passed through several levels. After hours of searching, he spotted some pages in the mine bar amidst the nauseating smell of alcohol at such an early hour.

Looking around, he noticed government-coloured pages sticking out of the chute and scattered across the floor. Gathering them up, he placed them in his satchel and added them all to go before the High Clerk. When he handed over the reports and papers, his high clerk shot him a murderous look upon smelling alcohol: "I will deal with you later."

He couldn't submit the papers as they were; instead, he sent a minion out for blotting paper to absorb moisture from the pages.

The High Chair of the Supreme Council of Paneili cleared her throat: “Now, minutes from our last meeting.” She spent time sorting pages out to annoy other council members who had golf games scheduled that day while she began reading. Several members fell asleep during her droning speech as she called for votes periodically and stamped pages as she went along.

Forty-five minutes later, she continued reading: “Mark exhibit 17. Eighteen subsection twenty-four C. The lighting in toilets needs upgrading to more environmentally friendly appliances in future.”

“How does the council vote?” she asked, receiving a chorus of “Ayes.” She stamped it with a large embossed metal stamp as it became law before continuing her monotonous reading until she reached a smudged page where she struggled to read its contents before pulling out her magnifying glass.

"Continued from the previous page: mark exhibit 17. Eighteen subsection twenty-four D…” She read through some previously mentioned points regarding female hygiene products and toilet paper requisitions amidst laughter from her audience reminiscing about past experiences with terrible odours and shortages. The High Chair cleared her throat once more before asking for votes on each point she raised until she droned on without realising everything she said after stamping could not become law because she was a woman.

One thousand years later. Academic Petor leafed through piles of newspaper cuttings.

“So they destroyed their civilisation by mistake?” he asked his boss.

She turned to him and replied, “This is a diary from a reporter named Papian.” She picked up a faded printed piece of parchment and read aloud: "Females have zero rights to males. Why bother educating girls? Why would anyone bother? They sit around gossiping, putting on makeup, and combing their hair—so all female education is banned by law. Mothers who bear boys will receive celebration and praise; they will live in large government-supplied residences with pools and extensive gardens while mothers with no sons will reside in shantytowns and face scorn.”

She continued reading: “Mothers struggled to teach their sons about social norms—maths, geography, history, language, economics, architecture, arts—and so forth because boys ignored women; men regarded educating children as beneath them.”

“After someone realised that this generation was devolving, they thought they needed to oppress women even more…” She paused briefly before concluding, “Then came the invasion; no one wanted to fight because they didn't think women were worth fighting over.”